You know those times when your kids do or say something and instead of responding in a meaningful parent-like manner, you grab your phone to either document it on Facebook or snap a photo? Yea. Apparently we do that a lot around here:

One off Statements:

“When I grow up I’m going to get a beard like Si’s” (proof we may watch too much Duck Dynasty…)

Billy just came out of his room and sheepishly handed me his flashlight. “Mom, I sneaked my flashlight into bed so I could lay there and tell scary stories, but I don’t know any scary stories, so I’m just going to sleep now”

At the sushi joint: “Why are the chefs dressed like ninja’s?”

When asked if they wanted to go to the Santa Claus Parade; “No thanks, we already know what he looks like”

“Mom, my butt is itchy right there in the middle; scratch it.”

When the 6 year old girl discovered what spelling “Cup” out loud sounds like….

4 year old boy after he flung a Moon Sand mold across the room: “If there were sand in it you would have said ‘oh shit’ & never let me play with it again.”

“Daddy, why did you point your finger in the air like this (picture a 5 year girl old with middle finger up) when you’re driving?”

Equally funny; 3 year old boy asking what a “futting idot” was…

Seconds after I kicked her out of my bedroom so I could change, my daughter knocks on the door and says in a deep low voice “It’s Daddy, let me in”

6 year old girl attitude is funny – when it’s directed at the TV:
Dora the Explorer: Can you say ‘Bonjour’
Helen: “Of course I can, Dora, I speak French. Gah, you freak me out.

You did what?

Told the kids to go outside and do kid stuff; play tag, dig for treasure, etc. The holes in the lawn show they actually listened….
holes in lawn

This is what happens when the 5 Year old boy takes Easter chocolate (in the baggie) to bed with him…

mangled easter chocolate

I’m sure toothpaste companies have spent millions on developing the fancy flip cap that would prevent this IF MY KIDS WOULD USE IT!!!


Sibling Conversations

The kids are unwinding watching a dinosaur documentary.
Billy says: I bet that dinosaur would taste good.
Helen replies. Yea, I wish daddy could shoot it.
Billy: yea, so we could eat it.

The children are fighting:
H: Shut up, you’re annoying me
B: Never!
H: I said SHUT UP!
Repeat many, many times….

Sister freaks out because a giant spider crawled into the truck; Brother immediately declares he wants a pet tarantula.

Most ironic statement ever from Sister to Brother: “Billy! You talk too much!”

I heard the most gawd awful noise when I got out of the shower and this is what they were doing.
drumming on pots

Brother: “Do Dragons have feet?”
Sister: Yes
Brother: “Do Dragons have tails?”
Sister: Yes
Brother: “Do Dragons have penises?”
Sister: Only the boy ones.

Kids informed me that they are “playing Max & Ruby” I snorted: “you ARE Max & Ruby!”

Bedtime avoidance specialists:

Play the Canadian card; “but mom, we can’t go to bed before the [hockey] period is over!”

My husband was out and as I announced bedtime to the kids they protested with “Can we watch GI Joe before bed? Daddy would want us to” So now they’re watching GI Joe because they made me laugh at their cleverness.

Way to dad’s heart

Way to daddy’s heart #257: Say “Daddy the only thing I don’t like about country music is the songs are too short”. Bonus points if you state it while singing along loudly in the truck driving to Calgary for Stampede 101…

Way to Daddy’s heart #682: On Robbie Burns Day, say “I love that bagpipe music, Daddy, play it again.”

Variation: “Play that song again, Daddy. I love Waylon!”

Way to Daddy’s heart #457: Burst into tears upon seeing a clip of the Tampa Bay Lightning hoisting the Stanley Cup in 2004 saying “I don’t like seeing the bad team win the cup!”

“Daddy, let’s listen to a rock n roll record on the record player”

Way to daddy’s heart #53: when Iron Man by Black Sabbath comes on said record player, immediately run over and crank the dial to 11.

Stop the Cute!

Son told me he wants to kiss me forever. That sound you hear? It’s momma’s heart melting…

Of my son’s many OCD tendencies, the cutest is how he always has to have the last kiss at bedtime

Kids have decided if we ever get a dog they were naming it Captain Rex, partly because of the Clone Wars and partly because he (the dog) will be a Captain of “wrecking” stuff.

Did you know that Lego Friends hung out in Bethlehem because I sure didn’t…
lego friends in the manger

Helen: “I’m wearing all white today, I’m like Leia” #starwarsjunkie #proudmom. Minutes later; “Mom, when I have kids I’m naming them Luke and Leia.” #herkidswillhateher #proudmom

Kids playing Goldilocks because their oatmeal is too hot

Who needs ‘girl LEGO’ when they put such special touches on their creations? “Mommy, this is my tank; it has guns here, a poker here, this is the force field, and I added grass so it looks pretty.”