Stuff Parents Say

Last week we looked at our FB archives to see what funny things our kids say and do. This week, we turned it on ourselves. The way we respond to our kids is often just as funny!

#Winning at Parenting :

Language Arts and Drama: Because of an ill-timed choice of words, I had to explain to my daughter what her father meant when he shouted “who dropped a giant deuce and didn’t flush” from the bathroom. However now I can’t stop laughing because she keeps monologue-ing about it. “That was a GIANT deuce! Who did this deuce? Billy’s deuce was sooo big…”

Manners are important: My son has taken to calling me Ma’am lately and while I certainly appreciate the good manners all I can do is think “Dude, you’re not Webster!’

Cleanliness is next to godliness: Dear Mr. Clean Magic Eraser; my children would like to thank you for removing their “art” from my freshly painted hallway. Your intervention saved both their lives from my insane outrage…

Time Management: my children are playing a game that involves them running from one end of the hall to the other screaming at the top of their lungs. I used their insanity for good and got most of the house dusted, swept and mopped, without ever having to tell them to get the heck out of my way…. Score!

Following through: I told my son he couldn’t watch TV one morning. He sat next to the TV, holding a DVD for 32 minutes. Not saying a word. Just looking at it wistfully. And occasionally sighing loudly. I enjoyed the silence.

billy no tv

Multitasking: thought I was being so clever in reading the children one story together in Billy’s room. Now I have a son who is crying softly and complaining loudly that he didn’t get his own story…

Nutrition: My kid just tricked me into feeding him chocolate cake for breakfast. That’s how we roll in the summer I guess…
billy eating cake

 

Why?

  •  Why do the children ask for a snack 2 minutes after I start the dishwasher?
  • Why do my children have a sock aversion? Ew smelly little feet!
  • Why do the children wait until the last day of school to be ready to go before me?
  • Why does the boy keep insisting on wearing pants that are too big and hanging off his ass but refusing to wear his underoos?

 

Stupid Parent Tricks:

  • Spend 45 minutes tearing the house apart in a fruitless search for a freakin’ Bakugan…

spot the bakugan

 

  • Almost break your neck leaping to shut off the iPod when 100 Miles and Running comes on #notinfrontofthekids. #parrots
  • The moment you realize your kids locked you outside on the deck. Followed closely by the moment you realize it’s sunny and you don’t care.
  • Life lesson I never seem to learn: when running late, rushing the 4 year old will backfire. Every. Single. Time.
  • I hear splashing, screeching and waves emanating from the bathroom. I dare not go in, I dare not stay away.
  • Forgetting that using logic is futile: Dad asks daughter: What part about “wait” don’t you understand. Daughter replies “the part where I have to wait”…

 

 

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